Suicide, Clarity, and Comfort
"The God of all comfort."
2 Corinthians 1:3 (NIV)
Our community was recently impacted by another devastating teenage suicide. I was 9 years old when I first heard the word "suicide." It was spoken in hushed tones as the moms in our neighborhood discussed the recent death of a classmate's mom. For most of us, suicide still evokes hushed tones, shock, questions, and especially stigma. Suicide is now, however, the third leading cause of death for people in the 15-24 age group and the second leading cause of death for people in the 25-34 age group. It's a reasonable bet that if you don't already know someone affected by suicide, you will.
Several years ago, my husband and I went to church one Sunday morning and worshipped with the same class members that we've known and loved for the last thirty years. The next day news came that one of the men in our Sunday School community had committed suicide. We, of course, along with a host of other church and community members, were blind-sided as well as devastated by the news. Our questions started rising faster than the ocean surf at high tide: Why did he do it? What happened? We just saw him on Sunday morning; he seemed fine at the time. How did we miss this? What about his wife, children, and grandchildren?
Our friend’s memorial service was truly one of the most amazing services that I have personally witnessed. The church sanctuary was packed with mourners. College teammates, Little League coaches and former players, extended family members, and his family all testified to a man well-loved and a life well-lived. His wife's eulogy was particularly moving as she shared her husband's love for Christ, His Church, and the Gospel. Boldly she declared, "The last three days do not define his life."
Our Senior Pastor, the late Dr. Harry Reeder, then spoke about our friend and the questions surrounding a self-inflicted death. Bruce and I had both wondered how Dr. Reeder would handle the memorial service, but he tackled it head-on with a series of hard questions and answers regarding the issue of suicide. Using Romans 7:14-20 as his text, our pastor provided some much-needed biblical clarity and comfort on the subject of suicide. Dr. Reeder’s entire message in both audio and PDF form is available here. I won't attempt to recap all his remarks, but I do want to highlight his framework for some questions that all of us probably have had at one time or another.
Is taking one's own life a sin?
Yes, very clearly the sixth commandment says, 'you shall not murder' and that includes taking our own life.
Is it the unpardonable sin?
No, the unpardonable sin as given to us by Jesus occurs when the Holy Spirit is working on us, calling us to Christ, and we say 'No' to him. The reason suicide is not the unpardonable sin is because we are saved not by how well we do, but what Jesus did perfectly for us on the cross.
Even though our sins can be forgiven, there may be lasting consequences that cannot be walked back. Suicide is certainly included in this category.
Dr. Reeder closed his remarks regarding our friend's life and death with not only pastoral, but also personal, reflections on his friendship with our friend. "There is no such thing as a root without fruit and there were all kinds of fruit that showed me where the root was in this man's life... So, I have no doubt where Joe* is, not because he lived a perfect life or that he was a sinner saved by grace. I know where he is because he knows Jesus and Jesus knows him. Eternity is secure because of Jesus, not because of us."
Three days later our pastoral care minister shared some important Grief Share principles with our grieving Sunday School community. These include:
"Suicide is relatively rare, but when it occurs it is often traumatic for family members and friends. They will experience difficulties that caregivers need to remember.
Anger will be challenging. They need our patience.
Shame will be present. They need our presence.
“Why?” will be a common question. They need our peace.
God is, indeed, the God of all comfort. I am grateful for the truth of His Word, the power of His Spirit, the community of other believers, and faithful pastors who, by God's grace, were able to bring clarity, comfort, and truth to all of us who were struggling with our friend's death. We can have grief in our hearts, but peace in our souls because of Jesus’ finished work on the cross.
*name changed