Thanksgiving: From Grief to Gratitude

“I will praise God’s name in song
and glorify him with thanksgiving.”
Psalm 69:30 (NIV)

I am my Mother's daughter.  

Whenever I get deeply troubled or grieved, I cook. That may seem strange to most people, but as a child I knew instantly if my Mama was upset. Coming home from school, if our kitchen counters were lined with cakes and pies, my siblings and I knew Mama was working through something that was bothering her.  Eventually most of Mama's goodies would wind up with friends or neighbors. Both Mama and her recipients were blessed by her efforts. With my Granny and Bruce's Mee-Maw, their therapy of choice was quilting. Sixty years later we are still enjoying the fruit of their labors.

For weeks I’ve dreaded the fast approaching holidays and wondered what emotions they would trigger. It’s been nine months since James Bruce’s death, but this is our first holiday season without him. James Bruce loved everything about the holidays: his favorite foods, family gatherings, Mimi punch (an Evans tradition!), and most of all, the music. Oh, how he loved the music! It was truly his love language.

Before the pandemic, Bruce and I enjoyed hosting an annual large extended family Thanksgiving gathering, but Covid changed everything. So did James Bruce’s death. This year we opted instead for a much smaller family meal with just our children, grandchildren, and Mimi (Bruce’s Mom).

Last week as I cooked, I prayed. I also had two of my favorite worship songs, O God Beyond All Praising and Psalm 150 (Praise the Lord), playing almost continuously on YouTube. Throughout the week as I kept my hands busy and my mind engaged in prayer and praise, not only did my kitchen counters fill with the fruits of my labor, but my heart also quieted and became less anxious and troubled.

O God Beyond All Praising was particularly meaningful:

For we can only wonder
At every gift you send,
At blessings without number
And mercies without end

And whether our tomorrows
Be filled with good or ill
We’ll triumph through our sorrows
And rise to bless you still
To marvel at your beauty
And glory in your ways
And make a joyful duty
Our sacrifice of praise

As I sang, grief was slowly replaced with gratitude as my focus shifted from my grief to God’s goodness. Thanksgiving wasn’t a day to dread, but a reality to embrace. By God’s grace, I honestly gave God thanks for James Bruce’s life and death; for the privilege of being his mom; for the gift of music that he so loved; for the lessons that James Bruce taught us; for him being safely home; and for God’s loving care and kindness in both giving life and taking it.

Thank you to so many of you who prayed, called, texted or sent cards last week. Thank you also to four sweet friends who thoughtfully dropped by with hugs, care packages, and “I love you’s.” God used each act of kindness to encourage, strengthen, and remind us that we are never alone. God IS with us.

Thanksgiving Day wound up truly being a day of thanks. We had a wonderful family meal complete with Mimi punch. Our grandchildren brought boardgames that provided some much need family competition and laughter. No one was in a hurry to leave. When everyone left five hours later Bruce and I could truly say, “It’s been a good day!”

Thanksgiving truly became thanksliving. (Voskamp)