Side by Side
“Love one another as I have loved you.”
John 13:34 (NIV)
In two weeks I’ll be leading a women’s retreat entitled Community: Developing a Heart for One Another. I’ve previously written about community here, here, and here, but I’m always looking for another helpful community resource. I recently found one in Ed Welch’s excellent book Side by Side. Welch’s book has two big ideas: We are all needy and we are all needed.
God's #1 mutuality command, repeated throughout the New Testament, is "love one another." Author Ann Voskamp writes:
"Love one another means love the Other. This is about risking and reaching out first to the other- the Other across the chasm that is your table, the Other that is your disagreement, that is your soapbox, that is the debate of the hour, reaching out to the Other across party lines and lines drawn in the sand and crossing the aisle- and serving the Other. This is about mapping out your life so that you take the path that lets you meet and serve "the Other." It's the journey to "Other," to the outsider, to the outlier- that always leads you higher up and deeper in.”
That is what community in the Kingdom of God looks like. People loving others because God first loved us. Loving and fearing God must affect and influence the care of His people.
Kevin DeYoung, Senior Pastor at Christ Covenant Church in Mathews, North Carolina and one of my favorite authors, recently posted eleven ways to practically love one another. You can read DeYoung’s entire article here, but a summary follows:
Ordinary people, ordinary ways. Loving people can require extraordinary effort, but it doesn’t require extraordinary gifting. Talk to people. Get to know them. Be a good listener.
Start small and push through the awkwardness. Getting to know people is challenging. But Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither are friendships. Keep your hand to the relational plow.
Follow the affections. Don’t just ask about test results and the next doctor’s visit. We must be willing to talk about fears and worries and doubts and joys and hopes and disappointments.
See and let them know you see. “See something, say something” is not just good advice for stopping the bad guys. It’s good advice for pointing out the good in other people.
Draw out and ask for stories. How did you become a Christian? What drew you to your line of work? Tell me about your kids. How did you two meet?
Speak from your heart and remember. Don’t let suffering scare you away. That’s when others need you the most.
Pray and follow up. Pray and keep praying but don’t forget to circle back later to ask how they are doing.
Keep in mind, suffering is a battleground. When suffering comes- and it comes to all of us—we will be tempted to interpret our pain incorrectly. We need each other to suffer well.
Exercise patience and humility. Real love means getting into real problems. If we are going to love one another, we must deal humbly with other people’s anger and other people’s failures.
Have the courage to confront. Love may cover a multitude of sins, but it does not overlook every sin for all time. Sin is one of the main things we all have in common. Let’s not be afraid to talk about it.
Deal with past, present, and future. It’s easy for us to relate to people only in the present. What’s going on today? How are you feeling right now? But wise counselors will also look into the past and bring the future to bear on the present. Christians of all people must live in light of the end of the story.
We are all needed and we are all needy. Who do you know that would benefit from you coming alongside to encourage, pray, admonish, teach, or love? Who walks beside you in your day-to-day business of life? Why not write a note, make a phone call, or share a coffee and let them know that you are so thankful for their presence in your life and by your side?
Community side by side is God’s Divine Design for doing life together. Love one another!