Repentance & Reconciliation
“Our sins testify against us.”
Isaiah 59:12 (NIV)
In her excellent book Hoping for Something Better, author Nancy Guthrie lists fifteen ways people try to get rid of their guilt. They:
Deny their sin.
Excuse their sin.
Redefine their sin.
Run from their sin.
Ignore their sin.
Pretend they have not sinned.
Lie about their sin.
Cover up their sin.
Justify their sin.
Blame others for their sin.
Drown their sin.
Look for ways and people who will make them feel comfortable with their sin.
Try to pay for their sin.
Destroy their conscience.
Try various forms of religion.
In last week’s episode of GQ’s weekly interview series One More Question, Prince Harry, the Duke of Sussex and self-described student of grief, talked to Zach Baron about grief and learning from loss. When asked about the royal family’s current rift Prince Harry said, "Some people don't want it to work out. I want it to work out. With everything else that's going on in the world, the most important thing is to reconcile — that's the key point."
What struck me as I read a transcript of Harry’s interview was his total unwillingness to accept any personal responsibility for his own actions in causing his family’s estrangement. While acknowledging his personal desire for reconciliation, he steadfastly ignored his own role in causing or continuing the rift. Royal broadcaster Helena Chard later summarized the problem by saying, “…absolution without apology do(es) not equate to reconciliation."
King David certainly understood accepting personal responsibility for his own sinfulness. His adultery with Bathsheba led to the eventual murder of her husband Uriah; a quickly conceived coverup; and devastating long term consequences for both his family and kingdom. Eventually God sent the prophet Nathan to confront David with his sins. David quickly responded with, “I have sinned against the Lord” (2 Samuel 12:13). He didn’t ignore his sin. David also didn’t deny, excuse, justify, or shift the blame for his sins. He acknowledged them, owned them, and then wrote Psalm 51 and Psalm 32.
Psalm 51 is a beautiful blueprint for true repentance. No matter our sin, repentance begins with a recognition of our own sin and moves quickly to accepting personal responsibility; confessing the specific sin; and begging God and those offended for a restored relationship. It’s important to note that repentance is not regret or remorse.
With true repentance:
God is the reference point
I look upward
I hate my sin
I run toward God
Repentance leads to life
I have lots of sorrow and regrets with God as the answer
I turn from my sin and turn toward God
Repentance leads to life and restoration of relationship
Two of the best models for true biblical repentance are found in the lives of King David and the Apostle Peter. Both men failed miserably but ultimately repented of their sin and were restored to both God and lives of service. The goal of repentance is always reconciliation and restoration; vertically to God and horizontally to man.
On the other hand, remorse is very different. With remorse:
I am the reference point
I look at the mess and then look more deeply inward
I have lots of regret
I hate myself
I run from God
Remorse leads to separation, isolation, and ultimately death
Our two best biblical models of remorse are King Saul and Judas, the Apostle who betrayed Christ. Both men ultimately chose themselves, refused to repent, and their lives ended in death and destruction.
Author Tim Keller writes, "Legalistic remorse says I broke God's rules. Real repentance says I broke God's heart."
The Apostle Paul reminds us "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God"(Romans 3:23). Our offense- marital infidelity; murder; publicly airing private family matters; jealousy; envy; bitterness; entitlement; or cultivating churning, burning, and anxious hearts are all sins that separate us both from God and each other. And while our sins may differ, the path toward reconciliation is the same for us as it was for King David. Repentance - a true recognition of our sin, accepting personal responsibility, and confessing our sin- makes possible restoration and reconciliation with both God and man. Pride is the biggest obstacle to repentance. Few of us want to admit we were wrong and seek forgiveness.
Oh, that we would be people who quickly accept personal responsibility, repent, and echo David's words, "Against you and you only have I sinned and done what was evil in your sight." (Psalm 51:3)